She begged you to take her away from her ‘useless as fuck family’ (her words), she followed you out of the house and got in the passenger seat of your van before you knew she was there. You were at breaking point with the family. You’d put in hours of time, hassle at work from the boss, hassle at home from the late nights trying to get anyone, someone, to look after the young blonde gobby but clever girl who ran away from home, school, friends….and she ran to you.The first time she saw you she thought you were yet another professional twat who thought they knew best about nothing. But you, well you, found your way into her head by treating her with respect and confidence. You’d taken her out on her bike, around the lakes where you told her you weren’t going to take any of her bullshit and you’d help her if she let you in.Let you in……..After 6 weeks of intense input you took her out on one last ride. She stopped half way round and sat on the grass and refused to get up. ‘just leave me. I just couldn't muster the passion if I wasn't going to call her a slut and a whore, or something similar. Talking to a shrink has helped some, although I don't know why; I never believed in that sort of thing, certainly not that it might have any effect in just a week. Still when we went back to see Dr. Gardner after sleeping in the same bed for a week, I was beginning to think that there might be some outer limits to my anger, that I might be able to contain it. I found I was looking forward to tonight when I could say positive things to her, and I always meant those.If only - are there any sadder words? If only I could stop seeing images of her with those officers. I keep replaying conversations I had with those men, wondering if they ever let me hear them laughing at me, taunting me. Every time I start talk to Jenny about holding her in bed, or more, I'm flooded with the image of one of those fat slobs rutting on her. Then I want to throw up as I 'hear' her cries of passion.
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